The 3 most basic KINDS of SEX — as expressed by human beings


by Marcia Singer, MSW, CHt

OUR SEXUALITY, by its very nature, has a significant impact on our lives, and throughout our lives — -whether we are ‘having sex’ or not. Why? Because our native sexuality is a facet of what esoteric, mystical or spiritual traditions recognize as “creative life force energy.” Kundalini, as it’s called in Sanskrit or shakti, is the Feminine orgasmic force that in surrendered states, moves unimpeded through all the chakras, through a channel referred to as the shushumna. This shakti kundalini enlivens us, and awakens us to our Truer Nature as we experience ecstatic, rapturous and blissful states of Union with the Divine, with All That Is. This full-bodied, fully embodied experience is the most rarified kind of sex: It’s the making of Love, for its own Sake, in order to Be One with Everything. Whether Solo, partnered, communal.

Our sexual energies are intimately connected to the urge to creatively exist, to express our lives and to deeply connect to the Great Mystery of Things. It’s been written (and I agree) that the onset of puberty with its typical hormonal drives, the physiological sense of urgency to mate, to quell an inner itch (“horny”) actually coincides with the potential arousal of shakti-kundalini. Instead, as most students of tantra or kundalini yoga discover, the arousals tend to be subjugated to fears, familial and societal mores, confining the energies to the first and second wheels of the energy body: and so we feel horny and frustrated─ or we want to make a baby: This is the first, most common kind of “sex.” And if perverted through relational abuses, psychic injuries, even terrorizing, this first kind may be expressed as a power grab, inflicting rape, pain and other harms as a partner, or unto oneself, solo. The urge, passion to bring something into being, into form, might also be expressed as wanting to create art or a garden or even a business.

The next kind of sex is the drive to “make love” as feeling deeply connected to another person, often to quell a sense of disconnect or being alone. It either rises to the occasion of opening one’s heart and body in a surrendered movement and gesture, or attempts to with hopeful mimicry. The latter leaves the practitioner feeling empty again, disconnected, needing another ‘fix.’ What also may happen is that a true desire to be liberated from the suffering of loneliness, may lead the seeker through sexual union, into higher states. Into degrees of transformation.

The last kind of sex then, is when either a solo lover (partnered with Self) or partnered lover (with another, Other) come together intentionally, with a conscious intention to express their sexuality as meditation, ritual for healing or cleansing, for celebration or for further, mutual liberation. This way of enjoying or employing sexual congress is the foundation of the yogas of sex, as understood and taught in various cultures around the world.

Last note: “sex” and love-making, orgasming and sacred intimacy do not require stimulation and manipulation of the genitalia. It’s also true that such machinations themselves will not produce nirvana, or even necessarily ‘relief’ from difficult or painful experiences (emotional, psychological or physical). And? It’s just as true that genital or other erogenous zone stimulations or pleasurings can and do ignite urges: for mating, for baby-making, for creative expressions at large, for union with a beloved, or with the Beloved, the Divine.

Blessings to us all along the Way, accepting the task of this sacred endeavor: to love, accept, evolve ourselves, sexually, as Makers of Love.

Shining deLight, Marcia



Marcia Singer, LoveArts Foundation

Seven decades of exploring the Inner Life, writing down the bones. Careers: singer-entertainer, tantric-shamanic healing artist; mindfulness/shakti educator