Strong — and golden — in the broken places…

What the Japanese can teach us with the philosophy of kintsukuroi.

Kintsukuroi [keen-tsu-koo-roy] is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, siler or platinum lacquer. Why toss that broken vase in the trash? Repair it in the kintsukuroi tradition, and it becomes more valued than the original. How inspiring to know something can suffer damage in its history, and wind up more beautiful.

Ernest Hemingway famously wrote, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places.” And perhaps golden there as well? Maybe you’re familiar with Buddhist contemplations on impermanence, suffering and egoic emptiness. Nothing lasts, nothing is perfect. So there can be wisdom and beauty in “imperfection.” And value in brokenness, especially if the splintering vessel is someone’s heart. You might then choose kintsukuroi, which in Japanese means “to repair with gold.” Applications may require courage, patience and trust.

As a spiritual practice, kintsukuroi helps me relate more whole-heartedly to the difficult people I encounter (including myself!) If the world does break us all inevitably, then remembering that idea helps me recognize negative behaviors as indicators of underlying fear or pain. I can respond more empathically, a healthier choice all around. And when I mend ragged seams with precious care, I feel restored in the process. I add experience, character and value to my life.

What prompted my return to kintsukuroi practice was a recent long distance conversation with a cousin that I’d not had contact with in nearly fifty years. An unexpected business opportunity involving family inheritances put us back in touch. But was I shocked to hear how tormented his life had been! And that his mother -an aunt I’d remembered favorably- had played a key role. “She broke all three of her children,” said my cousin in angry despair.

Having to revamp my family’s history is heart-breaking. Mending these new cracks will require forgiving myself for not being able to stop the punishing and shaming going on behind the family scenes. I do recall my father advising against families “airing their dirty laundry.” Sadly, many of us feel shame about our hurtful, broken places. My cousin is in his late 50s, and just starting therapy. Will he be able to repair with gold? Forgive, make amends? Feel stronger and more beautiful for having endured a tough life? Become a way-shower for others?

I’m optimistic. Enduring heartbreak, disappointments, betrayals or rude awakenings may be a fact of life, but there are countless possibilities for compassion and joy as well. And many ways to put kintsukuroi into play: tending a plant whose stems broke off in the wind. Rescuing an abandoned kitty, or listening to a confused relative with your whole heart so s/he can glue the pieces back together. Hey, we’re all in this life together, so we get inspired when someone rises above an injury or “handicap” to become the more, because of it. The dark times can produce a light heart, and great comedy. My wise stand-up comedy coach taught that the best routines turn a personal tragedy on its head, turn a frown upside down.

While talking to a friend about kintsukuroi, she mentioned that her church group healed some internal rifts recently by having each person purposely break a small clay pot, and then glue the pieces back together. The goal was not to re-create the original, but let something new and interesting emerge: I like that!

Upbeat kintsukuroi practitioners highlight imperfections, instead of trying to hide or disguise them. They redefine beauty. They deeply accept and appreciate things as they are. Google “Japanese pottery repaired with gold” and find scores of images, including a ceramic heart. Also find them under a related term, “kintsugi,” which means “joining with gold.” Very uplifting

I’ll end with a lovely, apt quotation from Swami Kripalu Bapuji, who wrote:

“My beloved child, break your heart no longer… Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart. You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your own vitality. The time has come, your time to live, to celebrate, to see the goodness that you are… Let no one, no thing or ideal or ideas obstruct you. If one comes, even in the name of “Truth,” forgive it for its unknowing. Do not fight. Let go. And breathe into the goodness that you are.”

May you shine brighter, live more happily and wisely, from the places that were once broken.

[Originally published in my column, WordPlay for The Upbeat Times, June 2016. Reprinted in my compilation book of pieces from the Times: In A Word: A-Z wisdom for living an upbeat life is expected to be published summer 2021.]