SEX, LOVE, INTIMACY: lessons learned from revisiting a prehistoric, cave man coupling with a young, female client


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My young female client was progressing in her intimacy skills. More exactly, she was overcoming her anxiety about being overwhelmed by her partner’s strong sexual urges, her own appetites, and last — and not least — a long standing fear of “touching herself down there.”

Growing up in a decidedly patriarchal society, and, having stirred memories of male sexual invasion, impropriety in this life, and mutilations in others to prevent or punish her self-pleasuring, she had some work to do to free herself to enjoy her own body again. And, to trust herself with a partner.

She asked me if I could pull up a past life reading for her in which she felt very free sexually, where she was enjoying “a big orgasm.”

To our mutual surprise, I immediately saw a cave man having his way with a cave gal. Hairy, ape-like, this prehistoric pair were coupling with much gusto. I peered in to get more of the story. Apparently, he was the alpha male, with rights to the females, although he sometimes had big fights to keep his rights. His body had scars, hurt places from the fisticuffs.

I could feel him: instinctual, physical sex, like scratching a deep, hard to reach itch. With luck, they’d make a baby and help continue the family line, and more — perpetuate the species in the offing.

But there was more to the instinctual side. There was also the pull of the moon, tides, seasonal shifts. Even the light and shadows influenced the sexual encounters. Also influencing, were the events of the day, physical stamina and wellness levels, mood, all the same kinds of things we are still dealing with today, things still operating below our awareness, mostly.

My client, in a past expression as the big male in this scenario, laid claim to his nature — to take what was his, allow his body to dictate the moves to maximize sensual pleasures and sexual excitement, to procreate if possible. Beating his large, heavy chest with pride and satisfaction might also enter into play.

“But could her hurt her?” asked my wary client.

He could be demanding, and, if fighting for position with a competitive male, yes, even be brutal laying claim to the female(s) during sex. I saw how maimings and even death sometimes resulted from infuriated males gone awry. But although possible, it did not seem to be the rule.

My client was uncomfortable: surely this was the kind of runaway male sexual energy she feared. While she mulled, my attention was pulled to the female, cave woman partner: how was she faring?

At the moment, she was going at it with her partner with much gusto. In fact, she had enticed him, displaying her posterior, making inviting sounds and other overtures for mating. She was in estrus. While she had rejected the attentions of two other males who came sniffing around, she had her eyes on the leader: what woman wouldn’t prefer a strong, reliable male to mate with? Who could protect and provide for her? King of the caves?

A question formed: was sex early on primarily — or only — for procreation? It appeared so. Yet as millennia passed, and pre-thinking ape-persons evolved into thinking and scheming creatures, we became capable of more: of finding pleasure, communion, even mystical union through sexual encounters, as love making joined into the intense pleasures — especially of being in heat, of having raging hormones.

My young client definitely wanted to lay claim not only to hot and wild, unfettered sexual experience, but to unhurried, adoring, love making: she wanted a “man with a slow hand,” we agreed.

Master spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle espouses the theory that humankind is beginning to evolve further into “post-thinking” conscious beings. That beyond dreaming and scheming, cogitating, maneuvering or manipulating, trying to make something happen — there is Now, Being here in the moment, where all Is — alive, conscious, joy-filled, where well-being exists. We could think about things if we want, but wouldn’t have to. We could use image-ination without stressing over it, worrying, doubting. Our intuition and instincts would serve more readily, smoothly as native guidance.

I wonder how men and women might enjoy their comings together if intimacy, closeness, honesty, self revealing, being who and what you are were the rule, rather than the exception? If people were free to experience a huge range of sensual and sexual proclivities, all with a free heart, with love and respect and care? If the connection between natural sexuality, creativity and life energies were known as the norm? If sex and enlightenment were known to be a continuum?

Sounds like a potentially tantric paradise to me.



Marcia Singer, LoveArts Foundation

Seven decades of exploring the Inner Life, writing down the bones. Careers: singer-entertainer, tantric-shamanic healing artist; mindfulness/shakti educator