SENSUAL AND SEXUAL WHOLENESS: An Introduction
Having trouble being intimate? You’re not alone, most everybody is struggling with what’s expected to come naturally...
It seems to be a common challenge in our busy, so-called civilized world to have to educate ourselves about how to be and do what “comes naturally.” Whether it’s our sensual or sexual natures, or our intimate relations, we often need guidance and mentoring to feel fulfilled, or to sustain growth. So whether you want to heal a hurt that has lingered for a long time, learn skills in intimate relating or sexual functioning, to gain or regain access to full sense-abilities or “enhance” what is already working, counsel from an experienced sensual or sexual expert can help a lot.
First let’s define our terms. “Sensuality” refers to our senses and their corresponding organs: physical touch/skin, visual-sight/eyes, auditory-hearing/ears, olfactory-smell/nose, gustatory-taste/taste buds. We might also include the mysterious intuitive and instinctual sixth sense. Often the developmental road from infancy to adulthood is rough and uneven, leaving us less than fully functional. Someone who suffers from the effects of abuse, attack or neglect may lose their ability to feel, see, hear, etc, or may tune out stimuli as an unconscious attempt to feel safe and in control of life’s challenges. “Sensate Focus” therapy and conscious breathing may help. Another kind of sensual imbalance caused by fearfulness or anxiety is to focus outwardly to the exclusion of the inner world, or vice versa, to be shy, withdrawn and a loner to the point of isolation. On the up side, you may be functioning well and desire to expand and deepen your sensitivities. You would choose a teacher or mentor to help you enhance your intuitive imaginal faculties, and your body’s natural “gut” knowing. You might also seek to learn Tantric practices to develop your sensing abilities for lovemaking. (More on that in a minute!)
Sensual Wholeness is very necessary to sexual fulfillment, but is not exactly the same thing. We can define “Sexuality” as everything pertaining to engaging in sex or physical lovemaking; but this is only a piece of the field or what qualified therapy, healing and even enhancement training is about. Sexuality refers to our male and female bodies, self esteem, our masculine and feminine gender identities, how we deeply feel about ourselves as men and women. Wholeness also includes how we communicate about all this.
Would you believe, that is still not all there is?! Sexuality is also about our “fire,” our creative life force energy. It all comes from the same wellspring or circuitry in our “energy body.” A favorite word for this powerful energy is “kundalini,” the sacred charge that is ignited in the root “chakra” (“wheel” of energy or light in the subtle body) and can be freed with training to travel unimpeded through the other six major recognized chakras, bringing wisdom, healing and even extra sensory perception in its wake.
Which brings us to the matter of Tantra, a Sanscrit word for “weaving together” of yin and yang elements and for “liberation.” Tantra is a spiritual path to enlightened living and loving that recognizes and uses the power and grace of our inherent sexual/kundalini natures for our growth and healing. Many cultural traditions have “tantric” style teachings, such as Indian, Tibetan Buddhist, Taoist and Native American. The “yoga of sex” is perhaps best known in the west, where our focus is often more “secular,” at least in the beginning. Thus many men inquire about tantra to learn ejaculatory control, retrain timing problems or to prolong plateaus of sexual pleasure and arousal, in part to please their partners. Women usually come to learn how to open more deeply to orgasm and to ecstacy, to heal ancient wounds, and to communicate with their partners more fully. Couples add to these reasons a desire to unite their lovemaking with the deepest sense of who they are as spiritual Beings, the true roots of these beautiful practices.
If you are a man or woman seeking help for any kind of sensual or sexual concern or interest, ask a lot of questions of your potential guide to be sure they are qualified and caring. Move past any shame if necessary to do so. Know that it is healthy and even courageous to seek this development. Last, while the focus of our exact needs may, fulfillment requires opening our hearts, as well as our body instruments, so that the joys of intimate connection made be played.
