SELVES AWARENESS: take your power back from those sparring Voices in your head!
I was excited that my new client wanted to do aVoice Dialogue session. This fascinating technique makes us aware of the various voices inside our heads that talk to us constantly — a cast of inner characters that few of us even realize exists! We say things like “a part of me wants this, but another part of me wants that, instead,” without even noticing these inner sub-personalities. Yet they vie for attention, and the driver’s wheel of our lives, all day long. Even in our night dreams, we get pulled here and there by semi-conscious internal dialogues. Without selves awareness, it’s hard to make sound choices. We may even wind up on a mental, emotional or physical roller coaster, being pulled first one way, then another, as we engage in internal dialogues, half asleep.
The first step is to wake up! Maybe notice how our eyes dart here and there as we’re hearing the competing inner voices. With more mindfulness, curiosity and lots of practice, we can get to know them. We can listen to their particular points of view, discover how or where they show up in our lives. Learn what each one feels like emotionally, and in our physical bodies. We’ll identify with some (call these “primary” sub-personalities), and dis-identify with –or even disown others entirely. For example, if you identify with being a hard working, rational, Responsible Self, you may have disowned your playful, casual inner Beach Bum. Or if you identify with being a Pleaser, you may have an inner Rebel itching to get loose; you’ll likely attract rebels onto your personal stage. The goal is to be able to give these pairs respectful air-time, listen to their arguments, and then consciously choose actions that really serve you best. This is a huge step in reclaiming personal power, and integrity.
Where do these voices, inner selves come from? They seem to arise naturally, starting in childhood. The first selves come from the need to get approval, nourishment, love or protection. They have the job of protecting us from hurt, or even helping us survive. The “Protector-Controller” self is the very first one to emerge. It’s job is to control our thoughts, feelings, choices –and other people’s, too, trying to prevent vulnerability to hurt, pain. This survival instinct in me determined I should be a pleasing Good Girl, well behaved, never too loud, and a smart Star Achiever. These two still try to power-run my life a lot, leaving their complimentary opposites to have to try to get my attention in devious ways. One way is to attract people into my life who are comfortable saying ‘no’ to either a martyr or a super performer role, or who make me squirm by being unpredictable. Or vulgar, loud and lazy!
Being able to welcome and embrace all these inner selves and learn from each, boosts self confidence exponentially. It also helps us accept and appreciate others, and even read them more accurately. Start by noticing parts of you –dialogues — that are near the surface. Then conduct search parties for aspects driven underground: Look for pleasing and not so pleasing selves, who and what you ‘judge.’ Find these selves in movies, videos! Call out characters with qualities you want more access to. Use this selves awareness to realize how fascinating we each are.
Book a Voice Dialogue./Aware Ego Process session with a seasoned pro?Shining DeLight, Marcia Singer, MSW, Love Arts Foundation.
