HSPs: The low down on “Highly Sensitive” people: are you one, too?
I’m an “H.S.P.” Maybe you are too, whether you know it or not. And for sure you know someone in your life, maybe someone you love (or can’t stand!) who is a “Highly Sensitive Person.”
This has nothing to do with moral superiority, or ability to care about other people: it’s about a normal (but uncommon) neurological diversity that occurs in about 15–20% of human beings. It’s also not to be confused any longer with “sensory processing disorder,” though there can be some overlaps. Children may be diagnosed (and stuck with) the disorder label, who are HSPs, and with proper care and feeding grow up to be thriving members of the family and community.
There are four main characteristics of this ‘trait’ (neither a sickness nor ‘condition.’) HSPs tend to — need to — process information and experiences deeply. So “D” for depth of processing. Next is “O.” We tend to get overstimulated, our nervous systems get over-aroused more readily, which can lead to a sense of being over-whelmed. Noises can be especially hard on us –even painful. Next comes “E” for empathy: we feel other’s hurts and pains (and joys too) deeply. Most of us could be considered to be empaths, including with animals and plants, ‘spirits.’ Many choose therapeutic or healing roles or professions. Last is “S” which stands for the subtleties we naturally register about most everything, most all the time. This might translate to being a telepath as well. This aspect of our nature can make us especially good at — naturals with — certain kinds of relating and creating. But as you might suspect, the same tendencies can work against us if we don’t have good coping or relating and self-nurture skills. We may just feel overwhelmed by what information we’re picking up. I’ve worked with empaths, telepaths who wound up on medications (and worse), to try to control all the feelings, and rushes of information being picked up… How important then, to acquire self-protective and nurturing practices, like meditating.
So, hey, I’m pretty thin-skinned, by nature; but I appreciate that you might be thick-skinned, tougher, harder to upset. It would really help a lot if more people everywhere on the planet were aware of (and sympathetic to) these kinds of differences, so they could be more tolerant, understanding and caring…
HSPs might be thought to be weird by the majority of folks, who can’t imagine what it feels like to be in an HSP’s skin. (And vice versa!) We hear so often, “You’re too sensitive!” Or, “You need to toughen up!” Well hey, we can’t change our spots. BUT we absolutely can (and must) learn how to take really good care of ourselves, know about and ask for what we need as respectfully as possible. Otherwise, yes, we can make ourselves ill, and be very difficult to live with. On the other hand, if you are a “normie” as we sometimes refer to the 80–85% of you who don’t share this trait, please don’t just think HSPs are just “complainers” without cause… There’s so much more to this than meets the eye or ear. (And it doesn’t help when HSPs are clueless about their own trait…)
If you think you might also be an HSP, or have a child, parent, co-worker, neighbor who is, or you’re a caretaker for a high sensitive soul, the definitive work in this field was (and is still being evolved) by Dr. Elaine Aron, assisted by her husband Art. They live in nearby Marin County. Aron’s landmark book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You came out in 1996. It was both a revelation and a life-saver for me, and has enabled me to help dozens of others who had no idea why they felt different, didn’t fit in, couldn’t just “live and let live.” Who struggle with ‘ordinary’ activities like spending a whole day at a boisterous outdoor rock music festival. Who balk at being in crowded places, or get really annoyed as leaf blowing gardeners have at it for an hour or two. (Think “O” for omigosh.) Or why it might take you a longer time to get through upsets, processing what took place. And so on. You catch my drift.
It makes so much sense when you understand what the trait DOES to an HSP when s/he gets a DOSE of too much. Or not enough (like tranquility or rest.) You may have a major altercation with a noisy neighbor who thinks you are just unreasonable.
It’s helpful to not look to blame anybody for being ‘insensitive’ to or unaware of some of the needs HSPs have, in order to feel safe, or to thrive. No one’s to blame for lack of knowing. But knowledge may be necessary in order to be able to negotiate meeting different people’s different kinds of needs. So I am sharing a little of myself with you now, in hopes that in doing so, you may be someone who has a light bulb go off in your head –and whose heart opens wider. There are many kinds of differences in human beings. “Neuro-divergence” is a field getting more and more attention, diffusing prejudices, enabling better care for everyone. We each can improve our own lives and those whom we love and take care of, by getting better educated, and spreading the word. We can move from “shocks” to “alignment.”
Here’s a link to Aron’s website, and a self-test anyone can take to get started. https://hsperson.com/test/
Shining DeLight, Marcia Singer, Santa Rosa CA LoveArts Foundation
