Get Your GRUMBLE On… but do it in a way that serves the best, rather than worst in you
Q: I wish I could feel more upbeat and positive, but things bug me, get under my skin, things I can’t see an easy way to fix, and so I tend to grumble a lot… Anonny Ms.
A: Grumble — sounds like the surname of a Charles Dicken character –maybe a Thaddeous Q. Grumble?! He’s crotchety, pacing around the cottage, moping, complaining about this and that, muttering complaints to himself -or anyone else in earshot- in a low, surly voice. Sotto voce. Bah! Humbug!
Consulting my heftiest dictionary, I find that the origin of the word ‘grumble’ is thought to be Dutch –not English: grommelen means “to mutter.” But back to our serious question about the tendency to be a complaining grumbler, or grumbling complainer. Surely it involves having ideals (sometimes not fully recognized), while living in way less than ideally suited to you. And feeling disempowered to do much about it. –So in that light, here’s my response: First, identify what it is you value. Next, evaluate, assess what’s amiss. Third, do something –anything — positive on behalf of what you value. Stand up for it, claim it. Every little bit counts.
How about some examples from my own grumble diary?
At the time of this writing, Earth Day is a week away. The local turf is flowering profusely, even in some of the nearby burn areas. Gorgeous! But what else do I see? –People’s cigarette butts, on the streets, walkways , drat, even on hiking trails! So applying my formula for getting more upbeat and empowered about it –I identify that I value both harmless to our Mother Planet and our bodies. And I deeply value beauty. And cig butts, especially ones with filters, don’t look beautiful to me. Smoking them is not exactly healthful. And the butts pollute soil and water, and can take up to ten years to decompose. Grumble, grumble.
So what’s amiss? Health, respect, beauty. What can I do –if anything? Pick up the discards and dispose of them properly? Report it? Educate about cellulose acetate filters? Help smokers quit?
Now that I’m getting my grumble on, and a good protocol for not staying stuck there –I’ll tackle another ‘main complain’ of mine: “sound pollution,” noises that startle or unnerve me. For example, landscapers blower machines. Or parents yelling at kids when I am shopping, or youngsters hollering in the library. What happened to the rule –certainly the expectation –that everyone should be quiet in the library?? “Shhhh, use your indoor voices…“ In all closed, shared spaces like restaurants or department stores?
So beyond another sour rant, what steps can I take here? One, identify what’s important to me e.g. tranquility, freedom from the physical discomfort that loud sounds cause me, an elder who can’t enjoy hollering within earshot. What’s’off’ for me? Feeling safe to be in public spaces, and feeling that my needs matter. What can I do? –Keep ear plugs handy, for one thing –and I do! Write about my needs and insights. Get braver, share with hollerers — who are often unsuspecting — of the effect they’re having. Ask a store manager to turn down the hip hop muzak while I shop –?!
I used to just grumble –muttering under my breath –even fearful of speaking up. But when I do, some wonderful conversations take place. Two librarians and a variety of check out workers confessed how much they miss the old decorum too; have phones and computerization changed our culture so much, that younger generations have never experienced sharing environments more quietly? Except maybe at Church –lol. How we’ve made it acceptable to have cell phone discussions while shopping in the narrow isle of a thrift shop? I’ve beckoned managers to ask about store policy, sharing how ‘back in the day’ managers saw it as their responsibility to assure a peaceful environment for all their shoppers.
So — do I always get the world to change? Nah. But do I feel better speaking up respectfully for what I value –yes indeed. And in finding others who sympathize along the way, and inspiring further actions.
Grumbling. Not a useful exercise if that’s all we do. But very useful if we take it seriously, examine what it’s really about, take a stand, and make the world potentially a bit better.
Shine delight, Marcia
