Finding Compassion for Difficult People (Including myself!)
By Marcia Singer, MSW
The phone rang again. It was the third time this evening, and the two times before, whoever was on the other end did not identify themselves, and hung up. Nor was it the first evening this week, or even just this week. Someone had my private land line number! Was it someone who knew me? Disliked me? Pranking me? Trying to scare me?!
I was just angry this time, picking up, because what if it was a friend or a client actually trying to phone me? I picked up the phone, heard the familiar silence, almost a breath –and let a swear word fly, followed by, “You’re pathetic!”
I felt angry, and I felt a bit weirded out, and then angry that I was letting it get to me. I fumed to the kitchen, and calmed down with an herbal tea. The next morning, my phone rang. I sighed: Morning is usually a round of robo-calls, and the occasional scammy message. I’ve never gotten any relief from the national “do not call” lists: are they even still around? I wasn’t desperate, but I sure felt a strong need to shift my experience. When my intentions are clear, Answers appear. And mine came by finding a cassette tape series in the back of a drawer, a Sounds True thing on energy medicine. The 3rd one came out easily, into my hand, so I took that as a Sign, and popped it into my player. Near the end was a meditation related to asking angels for help: I had forgotten about that ploy.
Instantly, an Idea struck me. Whenever the phone rings, I will use that as a trigger for my angelic awareness: Both my sense of my own helpers and guardians ever near, but also to draw on my compassion, empathy and forgiveness. Whatever is going on with the person who’s got me on their call routine, it is not a happy or healthy thing. And I can feel some kindness around that. I can relate –which is not to say I approve of their actions, just that I can be open to what pain might be driving the calls to me. And maybe I am the one to shift something around for them too, by beaming angel energy from my heart to theirs, when the calls come. Actually I like the idea of letting a ringtone be a signal no matter who is calling, for me to just breathe and find some loving kindness. Let phone rings create a mindfulness practice –a loving kindness meditation (LKM).
I’m excited. Last night, the phone rang, and I just decided to wait and see if someone was going to leave a voice message, that I could interrupt by picking up the phone. The phone rang again. And again. And again! I was about to lose my cool, but kept thinking as angelically as I could muster. On the fifth call, the voice mail picked up: it was one of my favorite young clients –calling to say hi all the way from Denmark.
I have not got this thing mastered, but I’ll sure give it a spiritual warrior’s try. And promise to finish a piece I began while DJ Trump was still in office — how I found compassion for him, deepened lessons on projecting unwanted traits on others, and ended with a deep “Namaste.”
When I am done, I will post it online! Until then, here’s wishing you relief and even joy in empathizing with the most challenging people in our lives. Include yourself, and the humanity and vulnerability we share.
