EMPATHY: how a bee and some ants taught me about love and respect, and the power of putting yourself in another’s shoes…

I’ve been reflecting lately on how important it is to all kinds of relationships to care about what others feel and need. And how great it feels when someone shows this kindness to us. Here is a tale I love to tell, retold “for these times…”

It was summer. I was walking along a creek path in west Santa Rosa, when I spied a lively batch of pink clover. I knelt down to pick a few blossoms to brew for tea. A solitary bee sounded out his presence, quite near my picking hand. Feeling for its situation, I allowed him some space, too. He moved away a bit, as if to grant me space in return. The incident reminded me of an experience I had many years ago in Palm Desert, a tale about the power of empathy, feeling with deep regard for another.

I was attending a workshop in town, traveling with a man I’d been dating for a few weeks. We both enjoyed being in Nature. Randy was driving, I was admiring acres upon acres of date palms on either side of the roadway.

“I sure would love some dates,” said Randy. We both agreed that soft, plump, ripe dates would be delicious. We had no idea where we might procure any, especially being our first trip to Palm Desert. We drove on.

A few minutes further down the road, I saw what looked like an entrance to a date farm. Game to explore, Randy turned into the place, onto a well- worn dirt road. Just ahead was an old barn-like structure. We parked and got out of the car: “Anybody home?!” we called out. No one answered. We walked around a bit, cautiously. The place was definitely deserted, at least for now.

“It feels like an abandoned farm,” I ventured. Randy agreed.

Around the other side of the shabby, worn down building were several crates, stacked loosely atop one another. They were filled with dates! Sun-dried, lovely, delicious dates. Unable to resist, I slipped my right hand in to take a sample. OUCH! Something had bitten me! I jerked my hand back. Staring at the spot where my hand had just been, I saw swarms of red ants coming out from their hiding place below. Swarming all over and through the crate of pale brown morsels. I sighed an audible sigh. “Well, they were there before me,” I said. “They have as much a right to be there as we do,” sighed Randy, “maybe more.”

As we spoke, still staring at the dates, longingly, but with full acceptance–empathy-for the ants, a small miracle occurred: the ants, maybe a couple hundred of them, began to move away from the dates. Circling around the top of the crate, the dates appeared to be offered to us. Dare we stick our hands back in?

I went first, gingerly picking just one from the top. Then another and another. Randy joined me. The ants kept circling around the top of the crate, leaving us alone, as we ate our fill. My friend and I were quite amazed, humbled and delighted to experience this ‘sharing’ of the treasured treats by a species seemingly so different from us. Truly there was an Intelligence at work here, motivated by not just harmlessness, but respect, and dare I say, love for one another. Trusting, sharing, caring, empathy is an innate Way of Things…

End of present tale: I picked the rest of my clover blossoms, thanked the bee for sharing them with me, and went home to brew my tea. If this could happen with insects, just think what might happen if humans would do this much more often, for one another?

Shining deLight, Marcia